Vanishing Cousins: You mostly likely have fewer cousins than your parents did

The Shrinking Circle: How the Decline of Cousins is Changing Family Dynamics

Caption: My mother, her siblings, and cousins gather in front of their grandmother’s house on Sunday. ( I say it is a Sunday because standing to the right is my grandfather in his Sunday Suit.)

Today, I read an article in the Atlantic and learned about the shrinking amount of cousins each generation has in “The Great Cousin Decline.”

Cousins were important to my mother, Janette. She could rattle off their names in order of birth. She had some mnemonic device, which I don't recall, that helped her do that. The fact that she created that device shows you how important those cousins were to her.

(Above) My mother (far left) and a few of her cousins are on the roof of a chicken coop on their grandparents's farm in South Dakota.

(Below) For those of you who can’t read cursive, it says, “They loved to get up on the tops of old chicken house + slide down the roof, 1940. I recognize this handwriting. This is my Great Aunt Nina’s handwriting.

Cousins are usually from the same generation and are close in age, but their emotional closeness can vary. Research shows that sibling relationships are often the longest relationships you'll ever have, becoming more critical after your parents die. However, research also indicates that cousins can fill a similar role.

According to the article, "Cousins occupy a weird place. Some people are deeply close to theirs, but others see them as strangers. Some live on the block, and some live on opposite sides of the world." But the great thing about cousins is they know what It's like to be part of the same particular family.

"The number of cousins one has is decreasing because families are having fewer children, which means fewer aunts and uncles. So, while a person in one generation might have 20 cousins, the next generation might have only 12, and this trend continues."

My mother’s brother’s children visited me in East Grand Forks, Minnesota, during the height of peony blooming season.

The article says American family trees are becoming like beanstalks—tall and narrow. People now have fewer lateral relationships and more vertical ones, with several generations living simultaneously. According to the U.S. Census, nowadays, only 6 percent of adult cousins live in the same neighborhood, and most live more than 236 miles apart."

“When a parent dies, a cousin will 'just get it' in a way that others don't.”

During the pandemic, 14 percent of participants in a study reported increased communication with at least one cousin. According to the Atlantic, “Cousin relationships are often activated in times of crisis. While cousins are less likely to depend on each other during financial crises, they are more likely to provide emotional support. When a parent dies, a cousin will 'just get it' in a way that others don't.” I know that I certainly leaned on my cousins more when my mom was in poor health and after she died.

Above, my mom crouches beside her niece and namesake, who is holding my newborn daughter. I moved to Seattle because my husband was offered a job there, but an added bonus was that my cousin also lived there. I can’t imagine anyone else I would have allowed in the Labor and delivery room other than my eldest cousin.

What place do cousins play in your life?  Do you have fewer cousins than your parents did? Do you agree with the statements in the Atlantic article?